The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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