i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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