I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
