sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
