Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
