Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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