Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
