Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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