I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
