she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
