I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
