i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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