i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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