I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
