I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
