Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
These tits shall not be calmed
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