Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
