And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
