Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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