So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
