So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
