i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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