I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
