you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
