I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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