I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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