you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
