Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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