Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
