Banned from zoo.
Again?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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