theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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