I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
