I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
