just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
