no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
