why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
