wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
