Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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