she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
