I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
