Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
