Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
