but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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