Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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