Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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