these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
