Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
