My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
