i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
