Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
