is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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